Written by A coach I know called me last week saying she didn’t know who else to talk to about a problem. What she brought up is one too few athletic administrators give coaches much advice about how to cut a player.
Cutting a player is among the most difficult things a coach must do. It is something that also must happen at times. But how this painful event takes place can make all the difference in how the athlete, his or her family, not just accepts this difficult news but also how everyone is able to move forward, which is critical from any negative event. If a coach handles this conversation poorly and that cut will ricochet back and could become a longer lasting problem not just for the player but also for the coach and her team.
Many coaches today at every level, club, junior high, high school, and college articulate being afraid of their players and perhaps even more so of the families of players, and how their decisions and coaching may be used to harm their careers.
Most coaches are well intended, but too many coaches aren’t practiced on how to have difficult conversations in a way that reaffirms the athlete as a person, and doesn’t reflect on them as a human, just as a player in context of a particular team and time. This is a skill coaches need to have and develop. It won’t offer total immunity from second guessing, or even inquiries into your decisions, but it can and should diffuse much of the animosity in the process.
Employing Empathy
The advice of Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator who has trained at Harvard, and has helped develop the negotiations program there, is relevant here. Voss identifies the use of empathy, in the most difficult of moments. Being empathetic is perhaps the best starting point for any conversation involving cutting a player. Empathy doesn’t mean weakness, simply understanding.
It is probably wrong to draw any comparisons to a hostage situation with being cut from a sports team, but there are some common elements in that the athlete is being placed in a tense situation, with his options taken from him. Voss’ advocates employing empathy tactically as your best tool.
Being told unhappy news is easier when the difficulty of the moment is acknowledged by the person delivering it. I’ve known coaches who missed this chance to be empathetic and instead highlighted their power to make the cut or the obviousness of the situation. This can lead to a protracted aftermath, which even if justified, is not worth the distraction it can cause.
Don’t Use the Cut Conversation to Penalize
It may have been a series of bad decisions and hopefully progressive discipline that led to this cut conversation, or it may be simply a question of numbers and fit. Whichever is the case, don’t use the conversation to punish or penalize. The old saw goes “punish in private and praise in public.” Then for cutting a player, punish before, and if that doesn’t change behavior, cut with empathy and simply acknowledgement of the steps taken to make better things without anger or judgment.
Help the Athlete Opt Out and onto Something Better with Dignity
Spring and summers were always my busy seasons as a Division I athletic integrity officer. People would ask why I was working and speaking with coaches while most fellow staffers were enjoying well deserved breaks. There is often much to sort out in the aftermath of athletic year. Athletes and their parents may feel they’ve been mistreated or treated less than respectfully, and while a coach can’t necessarily affect
the ultimate decision made on an athlete, they can carefully manage how that news is delivered and how that conversation takes place.
If you, as a coach, are facing this now, the recommendation is to deliver the message in two parts. Just as Chris Voss advocates for using tactical empathy and not pressing the hostage taker who has already put their own back up against the wall. Similarly, don’t take options away from the athlete, rather empower them to make good choices, even if they’ve made bad choices getting here.
Make it a Two-Phase Process: Role Play the Decision to Opt Out
My suggested role play might go something like this.
“We’ve noticed concerns about our ability to positively affect your performance [connect positively with you, lead you to be competitive], we know summer is coming and that may be an ideal time for you to focus on improving but we also have X# new athletes coming in and some limitations on our ability to give you the time and attention you deserve. We’d hate to have you work so hard just to come back and not have made the improvements we’d need for you to make and not be able to offer you a place on the team.”
“That said, please go home for, a week or two, talk with your family, share our thoughts and let’s talk about this again.”
In the college context we know that some athletes’ ability to attend college could be taken away. Many rules prevent this if it is simply based on talent. But if you are reclaiming an athlete’s athletic aid, do it with extraordinary care, respect for the rules, and with support of your administration along with the utmost empathy. Anything less, you’ve created a potentially significant problem for yourself, and it is an unforced error.
It may also be that the athlete is “a prisoner” of his or her scholarship, meaning it is unlikely any other school will offer them as much as they received from you years earlier. In this case do offer the athlete the chance and your help in finding a new opportunity and investigate his or her options without pushing them into the transfer portal or reaching a final decision. Again, your thoughtfulness and care work to your benefit.
Finally, it may simply be that the athlete has outgrown his or love of their sport, but the athlete’s family or the athlete’s connection with her family has not evolved to that same place. This is a time to deploy that empathy again. Don’t press immediate decisions, rather involve all and by this at least at a distance the parents in the process. Give everyone time to accept this and move on to that next better thing.
Our Life’s Calling Likely Isn’t Playing Sports
Our lives don’t and shouldn’t end with the end of our athletic careers. The image of this I hold in my mind comes from the movie “Field of Dreams” where would be major leaguer, Archie “Moonlight” Graham, twice says that his dream of being a ball player should remain just that and his having been a doctor was his true and greatest calling.
Coaches should never lose sight of that wonderfully important life after sports, even if we’ve been lucky enough to have sports be our own work. Don’t forget we are also educators, too. We are preparing athletes and their families for a great life after sports, not simply throwing a curveball or swimming a particular stroke.
Just as Chris Voss can build rapport with people in their most difficult moments, and still get the hostages and hostage takers both out, you should be able to cut a player with empathy, compassion and dignity. Knowing the way it is handled does you and your team as much good as it does the athlete being cut.