Lost in Others’ Whys

When we are young our days are explorations of anything new. We do stuff because we think it looks like fun; our older brother/ sister does it; dad/ mum says it would be go for us/ it is on the school curriculum/saw it on YouTube …The reasons for why we pursue what we pursue when we are young are endless and our explorations of undertaking all these activities is as easy as taking a breath. Unfortunately along the way to growing into adults and just being an adult we all too commonly lose sight of why we end up doing stuff and get pulled into things that are no longer fun. If you end up in or running a sports program that is similar to life outside of the program and that is one that brings little joy you may want to start questioning your why if you want to instill and maintain the necessary drive to succeed

In my last article ‘Forever Changing Goalposts’ I touched on the perils of training within or coaching a program that gives little thought to challenging skills or developing mental strength. This week I challenge you to ask yourself either as an athlete or coach whether your why for doing an activity has led to that activity defining you as a person: I am a coach; I am a footballer etc and you now seek from the sport in which you are participating or coaching your identity and in turn your reason for why is simply an affirmation of self from being in or doing Sport. If this is your why it is most likely wrapped up in overly ambitious goals and not from joy of your sport. Essentially you have a lost your reason for doing and similarly your ‘true’ driving factor and as Simon Sinek explains in his book ‘Start With Why’ it does not matter what you do: it matters why you do it.

If your why is solely wrapped up in goal setting for e.g. ‘I need to make top 3 at the next Nationals /I need 10% of my athletes to get to Nationals’ – you need to take a step back and really think about what it is about your sport/ coaching that motivates you to put the work in and NOT define your why with goals. Goal setting may give you a guilt factor of 10/10 when you fail to make it out of bed at 5am to make practice and will somewhat motivate you to get to the court/pool/gym in the short-term, but defining your why will lead to positive self-encouragement and in turn will energise you and others around you far better. I would argue defining your why in sport is very much entwined on what brings you joy when training/coaching and the two should not be separated. In the words of Arthur Lydiard OBE, athletics coach:

‘Athletes need to enjoy their training. They do not enjoy going down the track with a coach making them do repetitions until they are exhausted. From enjoyment comes the will to win’.

If you lose sight of the fun sport always gave you, you gravitate to others’ ethos hoping it will somehow rub off on you and help get your motivation back. Instead it is more likely you will get lost with attitudes and beliefs that do not align with your own character and in consequence fail to give you the drive you desperately seek. Thus the shiny metal trophies and medals that you think ought to be your why become further and further out of reach leading to even greater frustration.

While we wait for our sports to open up I ask you to re-evaluate your why. If you are an athlete step away from believing it does not matter that you do what you do because what only matters is what your peers or coach believes and that wining medals in sport is your only positive social statement of self. Ask yourself what in your sport brings you joy and use this as your reason to drive yourself forwards. If you are a coach – do you do what you do with joy? If you bring little joy inside of you to training how will you ever hope to inspire the athletes around you?

Ofttimes the allure of the shinny awards detract from authentic inspiration, and when we fail to bring home the medals and the trophies we feel we have lost all reason for doing: why did I bother to put the work in; for getting up day after day crazy tired; working so hard in practice; it was all pointless … you get the picture – but stay true to your whys and the joy and incentive to drive will always be there.